White Sand, Blue Sea Read online

  “That you didn’t grow up in the same house as your father,” Hadley said.

  “That’s all?” Olivia breathed.

  “Of course that’s all.” Hadley smoothed her skirt. “What else could there be?”

  * * *

  Olivia leaned over her balcony and inhaled the scent of frangipani. The sun glinted on the ocean and white clouds were as fat as cotton balls.

  She wanted to ask Hadley if she and Sebastian had played chess but she didn’t know how to bring it up. And what if they had? Just because two old friends played a board game didn’t mean they were doing anything illicit.

  Sebastian hadn’t seen Hadley in twenty years; how could he know if she looked happy? And how could Hadley not be content in St. Barts! The bay was shimmering turquoise and the hills were lush green and the air smelled like the most expensive perfume.

  She didn’t have time to think about it, she had to shower and get dressed for dinner. Royal palm trees wafted in the breeze and she wondered when everything got so complicated.

  Chapter Ten

  HADLEY FILLED A SILVER TRAY with a bowl of pumpkin soup and a basket of baguettes. She added a glass of pinot noir and changed her mind. Sebastian had drunk enough of Felix’s wine and bourbon; tonight he could have soda water.

  Esther had to go home and Hadley decided the last thing she wanted was to trade barbs with Sebastian over grilled snapper and stuffed artichoke. She would prepare him a tray and he could eat in the study.

  She sliced green shallots and thought how dare he question her sleeping arrangements. He knew nothing about marriage. When they divorced they were practically children and as far as she knew he never had another long-term relationship.

  Maybe she never experienced that same heady excitement when Felix entered a room or spent all afternoon choosing a dress for a romantic dinner. But that didn’t mean their lives weren’t filled with warmth and laughter.

  She drizzled olive oil on spinach leaves and remembered their honeymoon in St. Barts. It was the first time Hadley stayed at Felix’s villa and she loved everything about the island: the friendly people and shimmering ocean and white houses cascading down to the bay.

  Every morning they swam in the pool and ate papaya and kumquat and passion fruit the color of rubies. In the afternoons they climbed into the four-poster bed and peeled off each other’s robes. Felix was a surprisingly good lover: he kissed her in all the right places and never finished until her body twisted in delight.

  It was only after they returned to New York that there was a strain in the relationship. She and Felix both wanted more children and Olivia was anxious for a brother or sister. Hadley was certain she was pregnant; she drifted through Bloomingdale’s admiring pink booties and soft yellow blankets.

  But each month her stomach remained flat and she had an uneasy feeling. She knew why she couldn’t get pregnant and should have thought of it sooner.

  And they were so lucky to have Olivia! Olivia and Felix spent countless hours exploring Manhattan. They went ice skating in Rockefeller Center and attended children’s hour at the New York Public Library.

  Perhaps their sex life had ebbed but they enjoyed long walks in Central Park and intimate dinners at Per Se. Felix gave her a dozen red roses every anniversary and never forgot her birthday.

  She added cottage cheese to the pumpkin soup and thought about the last year. It had been so natural for Felix to sleep alone after he injured his back. But now he was well enough to play tennis but they still didn’t share a bedroom. Was it because of his injury, or was there another reason? She hadn’t asked him because she was afraid of his answer.

  Anyway, you couldn’t rely on sex to keep a marriage together. She remembered when she and Sebastian were in Thailand and couldn’t keep their hands off each other. When the sex was taken away, everything that was wrong between them reared its head like a dragon in a street parade.

  * * *

  Hadley gazed at the room service tray of spicy prawn soup and green curry. There was soft egg tofu and wok-fried rice and hot basil. She ate a bite of khao soi noodles and had never tasted anything so delicious.

  The hotel suite had dark wood floors and rattan sofas and red lacquered cabinets. Hadley had never seen so much red! The silk pillows on the window seat were red and the towels next to the clawfoot bathtub were red and the robes hanging in the walk-in closet were red silk.

  Chiang Mai was the most fascinating city. The guidebook said it was built in the thirteenth century and surrounded by a moat to ward off invaders. Now it was a mix of ancient monuments and modern apartments. Hadley loved the red pickup trucks that served as taxis and Olivia could spend hours visiting the giant pandas and chimpanzees at the zoo.

  Sebastian received a commission from a British collector who wanted to fill his estate with original art. He spent all day replicating the landscape: lush waterfalls and terraced rice paddies and temples made of gold.

  At night he joined them for coconut curry on a floating restaurant or a massage at the market on Chang Klan Road. They climbed three hundred steps to the monastery in Doi Suthep and saw the giant boulders at Luang National Park.

  The best part was for the first time in months they had their own bedroom. Olivia slept on a rollout in the suite’s living room and Hadley and Sebastian shared a king-size bed with a quilted headboard.

  When they shut the sliding doors and Sebastian stripped off his boxers, Hadley felt wild and wanton. All Sebastian had to do was caress her breast and she couldn’t wait to get tangled in the embroidered sheets.

  “There you are.” She looked up. Sebastian wore a patterned shirt and leather sandals. “Room service left pork with crispy noodles and lychee sorbet. I still can’t believe Walter put us up in a suite at the Four Seasons.”

  “He keeps it for out-of-town guests and wanted me to have peace and quiet.” Sebastian tossed his hat on the bamboo coffee table. “Though he didn’t realize how distracted I’d be by my wife wearing a red silk robe and gold slippers.”

  “I just took a shower.” Hadley smoothed her hair. “The fixtures are solid brass and when you look out the window you see the mountains.”

  “We drove out to the Mae Rim Valley.” Sebastian sat on a wicker love seat. “Wait until you see my sketch. It’s the whole city from the top of the tea plantations.”

  Hadley gazed at his wide shoulders and thought ever since he turned down the offer for The Miller Girls, he had been so confident. His skin was golden and he looked like a male model.

  “Olivia is getting dressed, the parade starts in an hour.” Hadley poured a cup of Darjeeling tea. “She made me promise to tell her when the dragon appears so she can close her eyes. She said hiding from the dragon is the best part.”

  “I’m afraid I can’t go. Walter is taking me to see the underwater caves at Doi Inthanon National Park.” Sebastian ate a tangerine. “I’m going to cover canvases with magenta and indigo and turquoise.”

  “Olivia has to ride on your shoulders,” Hadley insisted. “She can’t see the parade from the ground.”

  “I can’t say no. He gave us a two-room suite at the Four Seasons and an unlimited budget for art supplies.” He paused. “And he has an exciting new project. When I’ve finished these paintings, we’re going stay at his beach house in Phuket. It has glass walls and a tile floor imported from Istanbul.”

  “Olivia’s fifth birthday is in April.” Hadley looked up. “She has to start kindergarten.”

  “She’s not learning physics, you can teach her to read.” He shrugged.

  “Kindergarten is one of the most important years of her life, she’ll remember it forever.”

  “We can’t stop now. Look how far we’ve come.” Sebastian waved at the coffee table. “We’re eating off Royal Doulton china and sleeping on one-thousand-count Egyptian cotton sheets.”

  “I thought you were happy staying in a cramped guesthouse,” Hadley bristled.

  “I don’t give a fig about the money but I do care that
someone loves my work,” Sebastian replied. “Walter could afford any artist but wants to fill his walls with Sebastian Millers. One day he’ll donate the whole collection to the British Museum.”

  “We can’t cart Olivia around like a pet monkey.” Hadley fiddled with her fork. “She needs friends and a bookshelf filled with Anne of Green Gables.”

  “She’s getting a wonderful education. She can say thank you in three languages and knows the names of a dozen different flowers,” Sebastian answered. “Can we discuss this tonight over mango and sticky rice? You can wear what you’re wearing now and I’ll come in boxers and socks.”

  Hadley gazed at the dimple on his cheek and hesitated. Sebastian could stop any argument with his smile. And Olivia was happy and wasn’t the most important thing for a child to see her parents doing what they love?

  “All right.” She nodded. “But I’m not going to change my mind.”

  “We’ll see about that.” He kissed her. “I can be quite persuasive.”

  * * *

  Hadley sat on a pink chaise longue and sipped a mai tai. Palm fronds flanked the infinity pool and there was a pagoda with stone lions. Olivia licked an orange Popsicle and waiters carried colored drinks with paper umbrellas.

  The street parade had been filled with fire-eating dragons and floats made of pink and yellow flowers. Women in silk kimonos twirled parasols and vendors sold candies wrapped in rice paper. Hadley and Olivia had watched the lion dance and waved at children riding elephants.

  “Your daughter is lovely,” a woman said, reclining beside her. She was in her forties with dark hair and diamond earrings. She wore a red sarong and silver sandals. “It’s wonderful when they still want to be with you. My daughter, Grace, is fourteen and only allows me in her room to deliver her Seventeen magazine.”

  “Olivia is almost five,” Hadley said and smiled. “We visited the street parade and she’s exhausted. I had to carry her to the taxi.”

  “You never think you’re going to miss your children clinging to your skirt,” the woman sighed. “But then you drive them to the mall and they don’t want their friends to see you. It usually happens around the time your husband would rather play golf than massage your back with suntan lotion. All those years of wishing for time alone and suddenly you spend your day reading spy thrillers.”

  “My husband and I have been married five years and still have romantic dinners,” Hadley mused.

  “When you’re young you think you’re immune to migraines or bouts of indigestion. But eventually it’s easier to sleep in the guest room.” She paused. “But there are rewards. I can afford to spend all day at the spa and the Four Seasons offers heavenly chakra treatments.”

  Hadley nodded. “I’m excited to be here. My husband is an artist and we’ve traveled all over Asia and Africa.”

  “You’re clever traveling while your daughter is so young,” the woman agreed. “My husband is a stockbroker. We dreamed of spending a year in Paris and renting a flat on the Rue Saint-Honoré. But now Grace is in high school and would never leave her friends. We’ll have to wait until she graduates and then we’ll be too old to go to the nightclubs.”

  “I’m sure your daughter would adjust,” Hadley replied.

  “I understand Grace’s position. She’s addicted to American television and pop music.” She sipped her drink. “If I could do it again, I’d be like you. See the world before life is about choir concerts and school dances.”

  “We do have fun and the Four Seasons is spectacular,” Hadley said, suddenly feeling light and happy. “Olivia saw pink flamingos in the garden.”

  “What is your husband’s name? Maybe I’ve heard of him.”

  “Sebastian Miller,” Hadley replied.

  “The artist with chiseled cheekbones who was featured in British Vogue?” She raised her eyebrow. “Well, you are lucky. Who knows, maybe you’ll defy the odds and still be romantic at our age.”

  * * *

  Hadley wrapped her hair in a towel and slipped on a silk robe. Candles flickered on the walnut sideboard and a vase held floating hibiscus. There was a bottle of melon liqueur and a plate of goat cheese and macadamia nuts and honey.

  She waited for Sebastian to arrive and thought maybe the woman at the pool was right. Olivia was seeing places she’d only read about and what better way to teach her about different cultures than to visit ancient temples? And wasn’t beauty an education in itself?

  “You can’t walk around looking so gorgeous,” Sebastian said, entering the suite. “I’ll have to stop everything and sketch you.”

  “Olivia wanted to show you her face painting but I insisted she wipe it off before she went to bed.” Hadley offered him a bowl of water chestnuts.

  “I’m sorry I missed it.” Sebastian loosened his collar. “The waterfalls at Mae Sa were so blue, I couldn’t possibly replicate the color. And the view from the tea plantation was all gray mists and green fields and wooden temples.”

  “Thailand is beautiful,” Hadley sighed. “I met a woman by the pool and she was quite jealous of our lifestyle.”

  “Artists have painted provincial scenes in France and Spain for centuries but no one has captured the magic of Asia and Africa.” Sebastian sat on the rattan sofa. “I know you’re worried about Olivia, but in a few years we’ll buy a flat in Paris or London. She’ll attend school and I’ll paint abstracts or still lifes. But I only come alive when I hold a paintbrush, and right now I have to paint waterfalls and rain forests.”

  Hadley took a deep breath and looked at Sebastian. “I think you’re right.”

  “You do?” he looked up.

  “We’re young and you’re so talented,” she continued. “Perhaps Olivia can get a tutor or go to an international school. She’ll have experiences she’ll remember forever.”

  Sebastian drew her close and kissed her. She kissed him back and he slid his fingers beneath her robe. God! She wanted him. Nothing existed except his smooth skin and warm mouth.

  “We better go in the bedroom,” he whispered, pulling her up. “Olivia might wake up and I want to do things to you that you can’t imagine.”

  She followed him into the bedroom and closed the sliding doors.

  “Lie down on the bed,” he instructed, sliding her robe off her shoulders.

  “What are you going to do?” she asked, lying on the silk bedspread.

  “We are at the Four Seasons in Thailand,” he said and smiled. “I’m going to give you a massage you’ll never forget.”

  He disappeared into the bathroom and returned with oils and lotions. He dimmed the lights and lit a scented candle. The air smelled of ginger and cloves and Hadley shivered.

  He kneaded lavender oil into her shoulders and massaged her thighs. He turned her on her stomach and rubbed her back with almond milk. Her skin throbbed and her heart raced and she wanted to pull him inside her.

  “I love you,” he whispered. “I will spend a lifetime making you happy.”

  “I love you too,” she murmured, turning onto her back.

  Sebastian lowered himself onto the bed and kissed her breasts. He stripped off his shirt and she pulled him on top of her. She wrapped her arms around his waist and urged him to go faster. His buttocks were slick and he came in one long thrust.

  Sebastian waited until her breathing subsided and lay on his back.

  “This is for you,” he whispered. He pressed one hand on her stomach and inserted the other inside her. She caught her breath until the wetness became unbearable waves and her whole body shuddered.

  “I could do this forever,” he moaned, lying on his back.

  “So could I,” Hadley sighed, feeling wild and spent.

  He traced a pink dot on her stomach and looked up. “What’s that?”

  “A mosquito bite.” She shrugged. “Mosquitos were everywhere at the parade.”

  “I can’t blame them for wanting you.” He kissed her. “I’ve never tasted anything sweeter.”

  * * *

  Ha
dley stood in front of the suite’s walk-in closet and touched her forehead. She and Olivia had spent all day at the zoo, visiting the panda house and the aviary with its colored peacocks and silvery finches. She stood in line to buy coconut Popsicles and suddenly her head throbbed and her skin was like paper.

  Now she slipped off her sandals and thought she was not used to the Thai climate. The mornings were misty and cool but by noon the sky was pale blue and the sun was bright white. All she needed was a cold shower and she’d be fine.

  The door opened and Sebastian entered the bedroom.

  “There you are.” He tossed his straw hat on the bedside table. “I thought we’d go to the Loi Krathong festival. People launch paper boats filled with candles and flowers in the Ping River. The air is thick with incense and vendors sell sticky rice wrapped in banana leaves.”

  “It sounds lovely,” Hadley said, fiddling with her zipper.

  “I’ll help you.” Sebastian touched her dress. “You’re quite hot, are you feeling all right?”

  “We visited the zoo, Olivia can’t get enough of the giant lizards,” Hadley said and smiled. “I was in the sun too long. I’ll hop in the shower and be fine.”

  Hadley entered the bathroom and gazed out the window. The sun was setting and the fields were mauve and gold. She reached for a towel and suddenly everything went black and she crumpled to the tile floor.

  * * *

  Hadley propped herself against the silk pillows and sipped a cup of green tea. A silver tray was filled with bowls of miso soup and pickled vegetables. She nibbled a lychee nut and wished she had an appetite.

  The last month had been the most harrowing of her life. After she had collapsed, she woke up in the hospital surrounded by doctors and nurses. It was only later, when her cheeks were cool and her lips were no longer blue, that Sebastian told her she had dengue fever and almost died.

  She’d never heard of the disease, carried by mosquitos in Thailand. Her fever had spiked to 105 and she had pains all over her body. The doctor said it would take weeks to recover and she needed rest and a nutritious diet.

  Now she picked at a piece of sweet fish and thought Sebastian had been wonderful. He patted her forehead with moist towels and kept the suite filled with orchids and violets. Olivia sat with her in the afternoons and they read stories and painted in coloring books.